Presuppositions of NLP I
As with anything else, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is built on certain presuppositions which are useful believes to hold when dealing with people. (A presupposition is an assumption about the world whose truth is taken for granted).
Respect the other person’s model of the world. Whoever you might be dealing with, whatever they say, from their point of view, makes perfect sense and is true. While this might seem quite intuitive, often our reaction to someone else’s opinion is less than totally friendly. Disagreeing with someone, not only does not foster rapport, but also makes it nigh impossible to convince of your standpoint. By simply accepting someone else’s model, you can effect change more rapidly, as you are using their beliefs and values as a base.
Any communication is judged not by its intentions but by the outcome it elicits. The first time I came across this one and realized its implications, it knocked my socks off, so please do go ahead and read it again. That’s right. I don’t know if you ever talked to someone, and then you heard from a friend: “He really felt insulted by what you said”, when this was not your intention at all. Well, guess what, it does not matter what you wanted to do, in effect you insulted this person. This presupposition will take any wind out of the sails of the “but I wasn’t like that, I was…” faction, and puts the responsibility for your communication back to you. Taking our example again, you now know how to insult that person, so the challenge for you is to change your communication in a way that is friendlier.
The system (person) with the most flexibility (choices) of behaviour will have the most influence of the system. This is also known as the Law of Requisite Variety. Far from just being an interesting fact to show off with at parties, this is also one of those basic premises of successful communication. Imagine the following scene:
Tourist: Do you know where X is?
Spaniard: ¿Que? No hablo ingles.
Tourist: DO YOU KNOW WHERE X IS?
Spaniard: Disculpa, pero no entiendo usted.
Tourist (now aggravated): DOOO YOOUU KNOOOWWW WHERE X ISSSSS?
Spaniard: ¿?
It is an interesting part of the human condition that when what we are doing isn’t working, we tend to try it again with more strength. This is true for most contexts, especially discussions. Once someone disagrees, we tend to present our arguments again, only louder, as if by shouting them suddenly we would be right.
Yet, if what you are doing isn’t working, anything else has a better chance of working, so try anything else. That’s right. Just give it a shot. The more you do this, the more you will realize that being flexible in your communication will open more doors for you than ever before.
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